"If you have not yet heard the terms ‘negotiated infidelity’, ‘non-monogamy,’ ‘polyamory’ and ‘monogamish’ you soon will…."
SERIOUSLY??? I shouldn’t have been stunned reading the recent magazine article purporting the benefits of “open relationships”. I am not a hermit. I do not live in the American Bible Belt. I do not live under a rock. I fully realize that a large portion of the human race has grossly failed “Relationships 101”. What stunned me was the fact that “negotiated infidelity” and “monogamish relationships” (relationships that are mostly monogamous but allow for some sexual dalliances now and then) were laid out as normal and even expected if you want to avoid the pain of rejection from broken promises.
"Given monogamy’s abysmal track record [ie: North America’s 1-in-2-couples divorce rate]…in the long run it’s much better to risk rejection by proposing an open relationship than to break a promise to be monogamous."
If we used that same reasoning, we should tell people to stop eating – given that MORE THAN 1-in-2 North Americans (over 60%) fall into the overweight/obese category. Why risk it? Just don’t eat.
I am not a marriage expert but there are a few things my decades of marriage experience have taught me:
Love IS a 4 letter word: it’s spelled W-O-R-K.
Love as a verb packs more muscle than love as a noun. Love as a choice, as action, vs. love as a feeling. I love how one wise woman put it: "Feelings are real but they are most often not true. Often times what we ‘feel’ so intently is really just our physiological response to a chemical release in our brain and bodies."
You get what you expect. It’s called faith and it can work for you or against you. I expect to have a marriage that WILL go the distance. I expect there will be challenges but I also expect that when my love gives out, I can tap into another “love source”: my amazing God in heaven Who graciously releases HIS love to and through me.
If you go into marriage with an escape clause, you will find a reason to use it. When my husband and I pledged our vows to each other, there was no thought of "I hope this works but if it doesn’t…." The D-word is not in our vocabulary.
There are seasons of marriage just like natural seasons. “And this too, shall pass.” Some seasons are much more enjoyable than others. What makes spring so exhilarating? Winter. What makes spring so beautiful? Winter, where a lot of things “die” in order for new life to come. During the winter seasons of marriage, sometimes there are things that need to “die” – not the relationship, but things in us: attitudes, habits, destructive thinking patterns. Understanding the seasons enables you to adjust and grow as needed.
Building God’s House and His Kingdom is one of the greatest “marriage builders” you could put into practise. There is something about having a greater cause that the two of you are building together – something eternal – that keeps you bonded together and focused on what is truly important.
My husband and I are as polar opposite as two people could be yet what bonds us together isn’t simply a “passionate love for each other” (which we do have) – it’s a passionate love for God, His House, and His Kingdom. THAT, my friend, is a bond you can bank on. You weave that element into your marriage and you have a "3 stranded cord that cannot be broken."
(Next week I will celebrate 20 years with my incredibly amazing, ever-so-hot husband – who by the way is even more sexy than he was 22 years ago when I met him; sexy isn’t what you build a marriage on but it is a wonderful bonus! 🙂 Happy Anniversary Hon! Here’s to 20 more adventurous years – sowing, building, loving…and great sex too! xxox)